Ahhhh, the end of 2018 is upon us, time to sum up achievements, take note of missed opportunities, and reflect on how the early 2018 version of myself had no clue what the late 2018 model would develop into.
My blog has basically become a little diary for me, and I love that I can go back and read what I was all about during an earlier period.
So let’s refresh…. the early part of the year brought about plans for world domination… mmm, exaggerating a bit… domination of the local wine and canvas scene. I loved teaching classes and I learned so much about myself and the support systems I have in my life… with that being said I have a CONFESSION: I am an introvert, and I suffer from anxiety. My anxiety is never full on panic, it takes on a different sort of annoyance. Makes my stomach hurt, my heart flutter, I get irritable, and most of all I hope beyond hope that whatever is causing me to feel this… will end.
It does eventually end, usually after I cancel plans or just suck it up and do the damn thing. Side note** canceling plans is like giving me a gift, it’s disturbing kinda, but I can’t be the only one who feels this way**
….So… I would plan the paintings I wanted to teach, they were my creations, I would recruit some loved ones to teach, practice..practice..practice, and I did the damn thing! I did it for about 5 months, and it was great… comfortable. Then… “the break” happened, a little hiatus for the summer because: A) People generally have plans in the summer, as did I, which would more than likely put painting on the bottom of the to-do or even the want to-do list. B) I was falling behind on my bills, although I am a nurse.. I tried my hand at putting myself in a sink or swim scenario, to test my ability to make it as a full time working art professional *starving artist*. Thank the Universe I had nursing to fall back on 🤗.
During my break I went back to working more hours at the hospital, and gaining back my comfort level in that old familiar space, and realized the longer I went without teaching the painting classes the more anxiety I was feeling towards it. Then the Universe worked some magic and my “established venue”, became no longer available. I could either view this as an opportunity to “realize” my dream, work even harder to make it happen, or realize that as in all things.. the Universe knew this was not my dream and closed the door to push me toward my true path. I don’t know.. was this a missed opportunity or me learning a little more about me, clearing the way for what I really want. Which, by the way I really have no idea what that is.
I think the main thing 2018 has taught me, is that I don’t know what the end game is, I literally have no goals to get to the pinnacle of arty success, I don’t even know what arty success is. In the meantime I am just enjoying the process, just creating what I want without worrying about pleasing an audience… now if I could figure out how to make a living off of that… I might determine it as being “Arty Success”.
So 🥂 cheers to the New Year, as of now my 2019 arty resolutions are
1) learn and create daily
2) share my creations without needing anything in return.
3) be thankful that I am a being who can create 💗.
Thank You and I wish you Happy Holidays!! ❄️😊❄️
Please feel free to leave your thoughts here as well 😊
Here is something for your eyes
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